I Want My Kids To Know I am on Their Side
I shared this in stories and on my feed on Instagram & received SO many messages of solidarity, which usually tells me it needs a forever spot on the blog too…
Here’s the thing: as a parent of a deeply feeling little one, it truly felt like so many things that came easy and naturally to everyone else were just….so much harder for us.
Everyone else’s kid just transitioned into the new activity, no problem!
Everyone else’s kid just joined the party while mine stayed clenched to my leg the entire time, (despite my best efforts)!
Everyone else’s kid just seemed to be totally cool calm and collected while mine lost their ever loving sh*t….it had to be something I was doing, right?
And maybe it was! Maybe it is! But I can tell you with complete and utter truth - if that’s the case, I’m ok with it.
Because I want my kids to know I’m going to show up for them.
When it’s difficult.
When I’m a touch annoyed or utterly exhausted.
When I wish it had gone differently.
When they (or I) feel like they’re being ridiculous.
I want them to know when everyone else turns away, I will ALWAYS have their back.
Supporting My Highly Sensitive Child During Extra Curricular Activities
I spent literally almost 6 months worth of dance classes with both girls sitting on my lap in the corner of the studio while every other kid’s parent sat outside the room and they participated (to some extent). I GENUINELY was like yeah…alright I’m definitely messing them up. It felt like everyone was like “You HAVE to stop. You HAVE to just drop them off and shut the door. It’s the only way they’re ever going to learn.”
But… I stood my ground. Not only because of my deeply feeling little one, but also because it just felt like the right thing to do in my gut. And guess what - they never left my damn lap for dance classes. BUT…t-ball a few months later was a slight improvement.
That last birthday party a few months after that was a slight improvement.
The last time we tried something new, I caught the girl’s looking back to make sure I was there quite a few times, but they tried it. And that was a slight improvement.
And then they started begging to go to gymnastics.
I KNEW that it might be tough. I knew they wouldn’t be in the same class (and honestly was hoping for that!) - AND - I knew they were both SO excited.
And here’s the thing with new experiences...they can be laced with excitement AND super intimidating. They can be awesome AND completely overwhelming.
That’s the joy of the human experience...no two feelings are off limits to occur simultaneously. And I truly feel my job as their parent is to help them navigate all of that.
So when Liv walked out onto the mat super confident with her class, only to lock eyes with me and completely crumble into hiccuping tears - for the first time, I was able to give her the grace of the ‘and’.
She was excited…AND…she was so nervous. To be on the mat with a new coach, totally new friends, and without her safety net of sis and mom. That’s intimidating AF! I kept thinking about how many times I’d snuck away and cried in the bathroom on my first day of work at a new job. SO excited, but also equally overwhelmed - so many new things, so many different feelings. That is HARD to navigate, even as an adult!
So….I went out there with her.
And now here’s the other thing - not every facility allows that. And that’s totally ok! But knowing what I know now, I specifically inquire about whether parents are allowed to support & stay close if needed. If not, no biggie! But that’s not the place for us if so, so we move on to the next.
A Perspective Change For Moms With Deeply Feeling Littles
And worth noting - a few years ago, I’m mortified to admit I would have been SO embarrassed. Almost…upset with them? For literally just being humans in a sometimes intimidating world and navigating the mixed emotions of that.
I would have said something like “would it be ok if I just come join for a few minutes to get them comfortable?”
And now…I say something more like “aww babe, I’m here!”
And to the coach: “I’m going to hang with her until she feels comfortable, I won’t interrupt.” Period. I’ve established beforehand it’s something they allow, and I’m matter of fact that I’m here to support my child in the way I see most fit. Not rude - not anything. Just there for my babes, it really feels that simple when you boil it down.
So…That’s it. Either they support my supporting her or not - either is okay! We can always find another facility that better aligns if that’s the case.
But I’m no longer in a place that I’m embarrassed by them needing or wanting me.
Because at the end of the day, I want them to know I have their back.
Whether I agree. Whether I think they’re being silly, or ridiculous, or I simply can not even understand what the ‘issue’ is. I’ll have their back- innocent until proven guilty and probably then some….
I want them to know I’m on their side.
Want More?
For developmental questions, tips and guidance related to milestones about tummy time, rolling & sitting, crawling and walking, check out KC’s developmental Masterclasses linked here.
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KC is a pediatric doctor of physical therapy, wife and mom of three! She has spent her career working with children and young adults of all ability levels, and currently specializes in birth to three years.
