What To Say Instead of “Be Careful”
“How do you avoid saying be careful all the time when your child is exploring? It is so hard for me to change that!”
ANSWER- Play is truly the work of our children, and is the primary way that kids develop interests, develop strength, body awareness, spatial awareness, problem solve, develop impulse control, learn about “rules” of play, engage with peers or those around them, and regulate emotions.
When it comes to “physical play”, risky play is typically defined as physical activity that is exciting for a child AND there is a risk of physical injury- whether from heights, speed, dangerous tools, or near dangerous elements. This type of play helps them learn SO much about their body & how it interacts with their world, but I GET IT - it can be stressful!
Obviously, we want to keep our children safe from serious harm, but there can absolutely be a happy medium with overall safety and allowance of risky play within reason! Honestly, many of these suggestions will depend on your child, their interests, innate cautiousness or desire to take risks, etc - but IN GENERAL, when I am watching my own children play AND when I am working in a session, my goals are to give cues (if needed) that give feedback to the child about their body and how it relates to their safety, AND that helps them motor plan through if necessary.
For example, instead of “be careful”, which doesn’t give much of a learning opportunity, I try to FIRST say “what’s your plan?!”. I find that what’s your plan has become a relatively easy substitute that often not only gets them thinking “huh, what is my plan?” but also often gets their attention and helps them pause (rather than be startled) because I try to be silly when I say it!
Once I have their attention - I try to say things like: “WOW look how high you are! Does that feel safe to you?” or “Whoa, you’re up so high! how do you think you’ll get down from there?!”
To me, those cues bring them inwards and help them think about HOW their body feels during what they are exploring, judge whether it feels safe or not, and then develop a motor plan on how they can either modify it so it feels safer, OR get out of it completely.
I am right there to help and verbally guide if needed (or physically), and I am ALWAYS more than willing to just get them out of it if it becomes super precarious - in which case I just revisit it once they’re safe! Hope this helps!
Want more?
For developmental questions, tips and guidance related to milestones about tummy time, rolling & sitting, crawling and walking, check out KC’s developmental Masterclasses linked here.
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KC is a pediatric doctor of physical therapy, wife and mom of three! She has spent her career working with children and young adults of all ability levels, and currently specializes in birth to three years.
